Learning to Listen

January 2, 2021

Growing up in the digital rea, I used to think (naively) that the more interconnected the world becomes, the more that people across the world would understand each other. What seems to be happening is the opposite: algorithms are driving us further into our echo chambers and making us more ready to defend our ideas while alienating those who may have a differing opinion.

I’m saying that as someone who has very strong opinions on several contentious issues, too. However, this past year has shown me how futile it is to scream and yell our ideas at each other in an attempt to convince “the other side”.

What I’ve been trying to do instead when I find myself in disagreement with someone is to listen attentively. I want to understand why they believe what they believe, whether they have logical evidence, and in general try to see what their values are. Of course, this doesn’t stop the bubble of frustration from rising in my chest; however, I’m hoping that by showing that I’m willing to listen to them (and actually listen), they will show me the same courtesy.

The internal conflict I constantly feel is that if we are going into disagreements trying to convince the other person that they are wrong, and we are right, then no one really comes out of that conversation feeling better about anything. At least, that’s how I’ve felt. The times when I went into a conversation just to listen and discuss our differing opinions have been more “productive” (albeit, I don’t have an actual quantifiable measure for this).

I understand that many people will disagree with how I’m approaching this, but that’s also the beauty of being human. Everyone is different. Imagine a world in which everyone dealt with problems in the exact same way — it could lead to great action but still at a cost of casting aside those who disagree.